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All right, guys. This isn't funny anymore. The Toronto Raptors have now beaten the San Antonio Spurs and Orlando Magic in back-to-back games, and they've won seven of their last eight games to improve their record to .500. I'm starting to worry that this team isn't as bad as I've been proclaiming since before the season even started. In fact, I'm starting to think that this team might actually be... um, this is hard for me to say... they might actually be good.
Here's the thing. I may claim to be a Raptors fan, but I'm not really all that interested in their success. It's much more important for me to be right when I say that they're not going to succeed so that I can be viewed as an expert. When I say that I think this team is mediocre at best and doesn't have a chance to make it out of the first round of the playoffs, that's what I need to happen so I throw it in the faces of the optimists who insist that Bryan Colangelo actually knew what he was doing when he put this team together. If the Raptors prove to be better than predicted, I might lose the respect of thousands of anonymous people on blogs and message boards. And if I don't have that respect, what do I have? Nothing, I tell you. NOTHING!
Let's start with Andrea Bargnani. If you told me before Sunday that he would out-perform Tim Duncan and Dwight Howard in consecutive games, I would have responded that you should be fired from the Internet so you can never again spout your idiotic opinions in a public forum. But that's exactly what happened! Bargnani's defence against the two top centers in the NBA was a critical factor in the Raptors winning those games. How could I have possibly known that would happen? It's not fair!
Then there's Antoine Wright. I was convinced he was the worst player in the NBA and that he should never play another minute in a Raptors uniform. But in his last five games, he's played uncharacteristically under control on offence and he's been a valuable contributor defensively. He might be playing well enough to earn another NBA contract — possibly even with the Raptors. That would be disastrous to my reputation!
And what about Jose Calderon? Did you see him moving his feet and fighting through screens while guarding Jameer Nelson last night in his first game back from injury? He was actually playing good defence for once! Where did that come from? He sure didn't look like the worst defensive point guard in the history of the universe like I've been telling everyone he was. I hope he doesn't keep that up. That would be unacceptable.
Let's not forget about Jay Triano. I've been pissing and moaning about what a horrible decision it was to give him a three-year contract to coach the Raptors, and through the first 28 games of this season I felt vindicated in constantly declaring that he was obviously overmatched as a head coach and he was never qualified to be anything more than a clipboard-carrying assistant in this league. His playcalling and late-game substitutions have been appallingly smart recently.
When the Raptors were up 103-101 with 16 seconds to go, did you notice how he inbounded the ball to Jarrett Jack even though Jose Calderon — the team's best free throw shooter — was on the floor and he knew the Magic would foul? Forcing them to foul Jack meant that he could sub out Calderon for Sonny Weems for defensive purposes for the subsequent Orlando possession. It never would have occurred to me to think that way. I hate the fact that Jay Triano might be smarter than me. I want people to think that if the Raptors fired Triano and Colangelo and hired me to do both their jobs, the team would be better off. Who's going to believe that now?
This is a terrible turn of events. What about all those posts I made insisting Calderon and Chris Bosh should be traded for prospects and expiring contracts because this team would never go anywhere? Oh god, I'd better go delete those. Maybe people will be so excited about how good this team looks that they'll forget how I repeatedly shat all over them. Regardless, I must be the unhappiest Raptors fan on the Internet right now. I'm going to have to start pretending that I'm just as giddy as everyone else when all I've ever cared about is being right. Fuck my life. 
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